U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
