I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
