omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
