she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I love you.
Bad choice
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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