Where did you get a picture of my penis
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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