Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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