Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
