I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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