Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
