So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
