So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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