So drunk its hurt
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I love you. Go after that dick
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
