david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I could make wine with my vomit
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
