I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
