i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
