Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
