what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
