That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
