those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
