Say something about gay babies.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
