I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
