sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
