Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
