How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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