how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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