I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
