She is in my trunk
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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