i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
