Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
