Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
