winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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