i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I just went to clothing optional bar
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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