I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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