so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
