i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
