I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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