hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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