u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
