More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
