halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
