so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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