Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
