There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
