You smell like stripper and shame
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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