Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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