took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
