So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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