a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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