At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
