hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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