i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
