he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
