Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
