Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
